Have you ever had a dispute over someone’s opinion? Or someone was arguing with you over your opinion? I know I have. 

Before we get into a deep discussion about it, let’s just define opinion. My definition of opinion is: it is your point of view on certain cases, individuals, subjects, or even objects, expressing your feelings about them and what is it you see in them. As long as this opinion is realistic and it is near to fact. Now, this is only my simple definition of opinion. The official explanation is a bit different than mine. The official report is, a non-conclusive judgment, viewpoint, or statement, as opposed to facts, which are factual statements. Irrespective of how I defined opinion, I don’t necessarily force my way of defining it to be the best or the most accurate. 

Disagreements of opinion are a major source of conflict and dissonance in human relationships. The human mind is wired to form opinions on anything and everything. We want our voices to be heard and considered. Opinions are important because they represent us and show the world who we are. Our opinions have a significant impact on our self-image and identity. The number of people who listen to our opinions determines our position in the social hierarchy. We are drawn to people who hold similar beliefs to us. We are happy when our opinions are shared, but when they are dismissed, we lose face. It stings. Relationships crumble. Disagreements of opinion can separate us from others.

You will face a situation where your opinion defers from your friends or partners, it happens all the time. Reasonable individuals would choose the path where both parties are ok with having an opposite opinion, without a conflict. But some of us always would choose the harder way, CONFLICT.

So, how do we handle differences of opinion?

The first thing to recognize is that disagreements are unavoidable. They are part of the design of life. They are permanent. We must accept it as a fact of life and deal with it daily. There will be as many opinions as there are people in this world. We can only try to manage these differences without causing harm to our relationships. A deep acceptance of this life design will go a long way toward alleviating the pain caused by the inevitability of disagreements.

There are plenty of super leagues around the world in the world of football. Large clubs with a massive fan base all over the world. Fans would argue daily about which team is the best and who can and will never win the league. Opinions differ, but in football, this rarely ends peacefully. In England, for example, a derby between Liverpool and Manchester United (the country’s two biggest clubs historically) would almost always result in a fight in the stadium stands or a clash between managers. They have opposed viewpoints. They both assert that they are the best in England.

It’s no different when it comes to religious beliefs and opinions. People who follow different spiritual paths will be at odds, each claiming that their path is superior and the other is weaker, even though religions, promote almost the same pillars of a clean and healthy life. Peace, fairness, equality, and many other pillars. However, they will still manage to disagree and find differences. And they will attempt to convert each other to their paths.

Even if some differences of opinion are contradictory, we can reach an agreement. Assume the wife prefers pink curtains and the husband prefers only blue. The solution is not to buy red as a temporary solution. That will make both of them unhappy. Instead, two rooms can have blue curtains and two can have pink curtains. That would be a reasonable compromise.

We are all controlled mainly by our likes and dislikes. We don’t know where or how we got them, but we can’t get rid of them. When they clash with the preferences of others, all we can do is compromise. In a compromise, everyone gets something they want, but not everything. When it comes to food, restaurants, household chores, music, vacations, movies, entertainment, and TV shows, compromise works well. When we live with others, we cannot have everything our way. We must meet people halfway. There must be a “giving up” and the reward is a harmonious relationship. In my opinion that is the best that can be done.

When you value the other person’s viewpoint as much as your own, your mind will learn to compromise. If you consider the other person’s preferences as important as your own, you will be able to find solutions that satisfy both. This may also be necessary at times, but not always.

When the stakes are high, minor disagreements can seriously jeopardize relationships. It is better to seek wise counsel before things spiral out of control. This can take the form of an expert on the subject or a wise person whom everyone admires. Assume the mother prefers homeschooling for her child, where she has control and can supervise, but the father prefers a regular school where the child can socialize with other children. Eventually, a mutual ground must be found. 

It will not happen through mutual discussion because the ego will soon start talking about its emotions and ruin the show. It will no longer be about what is best for the child based on the child’s personality, but about who has the better opinion. Only a mature third party can bring about a negotiated settlement. They could bring a fresh perspective that had not previously been seen.

Certain aspects of life require unanimous agreement. Before taking the next step, disagreements must be resolved.

Buying a house, or even a car or television, for example, requires that everyone like it, not just one person. Similarly, deciding to have a child or adopt one, selecting an education, lending large sums of money, relocating to a different city, major medical decisions, and selecting a life partner. These are mostly unavoidable decisions with long-term consequences. We must differentiate between reversible and non-reversible decisions. We can change reversible decisions later, but irreversible decisions cannot be changed. So having every party understand and agree to decisions like these, is far more essential than most of us think.

Certain issues are best left to one person’s discretion. For example, investment decisions should only be made by someone who knows something about the subject, who should then consult an expert in the field. Consultation with all family members will result in chaos and confusion, and if something goes wrong, the blame game will begin. Home décor is best left to those with an eye for beauty. Some people have a sense of style, and when selecting clothing, they should be considered. Similarly, making travel plans after deciding on a destination is best done by one person.

THE BIGGEST CAUSE OF DISAGREEMENTS

Mainly, the outcomes of any disagreement are caused by our deep attachment to our own opinions. This attachment should be examined to see if we can set free of it. The disagreement is primarily a clash of ideas. The idea wants to survive and is using us to wage war. We have a choice, not to soldiers for our ideas in a war with other opinions. Most everyday problems are not worth discussing.

What do you think about the importance of every opinion? When you achieve success, people will listen to what you have to say. However, the inverse does not work. It is not possible to become successful by forcing your opinions on others. When we level our opinions, a feeling of superiority usually arises. For some people, achieving something of significance in their lives is the next best thing to achieving something big. The satisfaction and sense of accomplishment that comes with achieving something significant is very similar to what people experience when their minds are in focus and they can achieve something they set out to do.

Sometimes, even when we know someone else’s opinion is incorrect, we should remain silent and let them learn from their mistakes. Or we can help them understand the weaknesses of their opinion through probing questions instead of telling them right away. Representing a contrary opinion must be done with tact. We should not be afraid to express our opinions, because that is impossible anyway.

Opinions and views come to our heads without us asking. Expression is important when it comes to language. Spot decisions need to be made about how to express an opinion and what kind of opinion to express. Time is of the essence. One needs to have strong convictions on matters of values and principles to be effective. We need a thoughtful view of anything that has long-term implications. People can have flexible views in areas that are not critical and give others the satisfaction that their views are accepted. We need to be careful about opinions disguised as facts. Most importantly, we must remember that safety is our number one priority.