What is it about relationships that people don’t understand? Is it that difficult to manage a relationship? Sitting alone with a cup of coffee in my hand, I sometimes wonder about everything that goes backward in a relationship. It is both unjustified and surprising. Is it because some people assume their partners are easygoing and open-minded to a certain extent? That can be the answer. In our relationships, what happened to intimacy and affection? What is causing it to fade? Partnerships now have a different meaning for some couples than they did previously (about a decade or two ago).
It had a different meaning back then. People were full of emotions and affection for each other. There was some sort of awareness of how important it is to be intimate with their partners. Other things that are required in a relationship are respect and trust. Currently, partners are more like flatmates. Off-course not in every relationship but in a considerable number of them.
The concept of being intimate with your spouse can differ from one person to another, enormously. For some, it means being physically close and active with your partner. For others, it is the way how you satisfy your partner when it comes to different life aspects. But, what does being intimate mean?
In a relationship, intimacy is a sense of being close, emotionally present, and supportive of each other. It entails being able to share a wide range of human thoughts. Like feelings and experiences. This is the simplest definition of what intimacy can be.
DIFFERENT TYPES OF INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS
There must be some very important pillars in relationships for them to grow stronger every day. Or, at the very least, to maintain specific standards that cannot be jeopardized by anything. In general, intimacy refers to the closeness of two people. It also prompts vulnerability, openness, and trust. And it is one of the most significant pillars of relationships. Without it, a relationship may be a bit shaky and not stable.
There are so many different types of intimacy in relationships. But it’s not necessarily for all these types to be present in a relationship to make it successful.
PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Body closeness is referred to as physical intimacy. Depending on the nature of the relationship, it may include hugging, cuddling, kissing, and holding hands. However, physical intimacy is not limited to romantic partners. Non-sexual physical intimacy can develop between parents, children, and even friends.
This type of intimacy is characterized by safe touch and proximity. It can heighten feelings of emotional closeness.
Now, I am quite sure that there are people who struggle to have this type of intimacy in their life. They have partners who ask themselves, why is that important? Isn’t being together and respectful towards each other enough? Deciding to have one of the pillars of being in a relationship out of the equation requires a conversation between both parties. And to have a solution that will comfort both sides. Because a sudden change without a proper justification in desires and behaviors raises alerts. Which is more than normal.
Imagine a married couple. One of them doesn’t like to leave the house except for occasions that are known to the other party. Out of nowhere, this person started to dress up every night and go out. Wouldn’t that raise alarms and questions in your head? Off-course it will. And that is normal by all means. But, you have caused this to happen. Not paying close attention to your partner’s needs and desires. Has caused you to suspect every move they make.
What you define as unimportant and doesn’t interest you or you don’t think about it, could be an essential thing to your partner. Finding a middle solution that serves both, is the way to maintain that relationship. After all, who wants to go through an argument over the same topic over and over again? It is exhausting, isn’t it?
EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
Emotional intimacy implies the open, honest exchange of thoughts and feelings. It requires being able to share your deepest fears, dreams, and disappointments. And most complicated emotions with one another. While also feeling seen and understood. Emotional intimacy implies that both you and your partner feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves freely around each other. This “safe space” is created when each person refrains from passing judgment. Or showing contempt when the other is sharing.
We confide in the people we believe in. That isn’t to say they always tell us what we want to hear. But we trust them not to repeat anything we share in confidence. We also don’t expect them to humiliate or dismiss us.
For example, your wife returns home and tells you about a stressful incident at work. Including feelings, she didn’t feel comfortable expressing to her coworkers at the time. Her partner asks her questions. To help her process the event and validates her feelings.
WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF A LACK OF INTIMACY?
What do you think might happen when you have a marriage or a relationship that lacks intimacy? A person that lacks intimacy is usually unhappy. That causes anger and tension. In the bedroom, incompatibility issues can lead to marital problems. And eventually, divorce. Yes, you might not feel their unhappiness, but it is there.
When it comes to expressing unhappiness, everyone is different. Some will act normally and not express it at all. But there will come a point when that level of tolerance will be impossible to maintain. Others, perhaps, will be reasonable enough to discuss it with their partners. Expressing their dissatisfaction, the other party’s response may be unexpected. Even if the other party is aware that their intimate life isn’t as good as it could be.
Everyone craves intimacy. No one wants a spouse as a roommate. Infidelity or divorce are common outcomes of a sexless marriage. Divorce can help you move on. Or that is what some think.
All of the above doesn’t apply if there are valid reasons why the intimacy level is not as it should be. There are plenty of reasons that can prevent a person from being intimate with their partner. Feeling tired, stressed, and busy with the kids, are some of these reasons. However, making excuses to avoid intimacy is not normal when you are tired, not in the mood, or busy with children.
HOW TO BRING BACK THE PASSION ONCE IT’S LOST?
There is always a way to fix a matter that seems to be impossible to fix. But for this to be successful, both parties need to be involved and ready. Otherwise, no better results will be achieved.
Perhaps you’re rejecting your partner or coming on too strong. Avoid criticizing one another and end the “blame game.” To end the power struggle, shake things up. Partners who don’t usually think about intimacy may want to practice initiating intimacy more frequently. Try to find gentle ways to tell their partners how good and attractive they look.
Set the tone for intimacy before watching TV or going to work. A light meal, accompanied by your favorite music, can set the tone for a great time. Even if you are not a touchy and feely person. Increasing physical affection and emotional sensitivity can aid in the maintenance of a deep, meaningful bond. The good news is that allowing your partner to influence you can rekindle your passion.
Make intimacy a priority. As unsatisfying as it may appear, life can get in the way of your physical relationship if it is not planned. When you crawl into bed at the end of a long day, the only thing on your mind is sleep. It’s easier to avoid physical contact when you’re not in the habit of doing so. The intimate connection that you receive through emotional attraction, will remain an important part of your relationship. If that is part of the scheduled routine. Scheduled intimacy allows you to build anticipation and engage the largest sensory organ, the brain.
